The Journey called DAY....

the birth, the young, the wild and the playful..... (sunrise from chitre, camera:Cannon A610, time: 6:15 am)

demise..... bathed in the colours of life, full of experience.... OLD IS GOLD... (sunset from gairibas, camera: Cannon A610, time: 5:25 pm)

DREAM

The night's too cold to shiver,

And I'm too numb to quiver,

Everywhere I see, I see the same

The mind isn't working enough to relive me!

Am I dreaming?

Somebody punch me....

'Coz I cannot punch myself

The hands are too heavy to lift.

Somebody tell me where I am.

My senses aren't working

And I cannot remember

How I came here.

There is no shelter I can find

Trying to reach for the daylight,

I rage against the dying of the light,

Begging my heart out to relieve me from the pain.

In a garden of sorrows

Among the mourning of souls,

I hear a silent whisper

That tells me to walk alone.

My steps echo as I walk,

The chill gives me shivers

I open my eyes to see -----

All this was a dream!!

----- The picture was taken from Sandakphu (10.1.2008)...

JOURNEY

I heard a quiet subtle voice
Summoning me from afar,
But a voice much closer
Screams to me with unholy patience.

I've seen many unknown lands,
Never shown on any maps.
I've spoken to the demons
And the souls of the slaughtered.

As I pass through different lands
And meet different people,
I know that the weight of my soul
Will decide its final resting place!

Now that I'm lost in woods---
of never-ending black trees,
I think my end is near
'Coz I'd rather not live in fear---- than live at all!!

The voice again grows stronger
Asking me to look with better eyes.
This is my war----
And I'm fighting against me.

A fire lights inside me
That I never thought existed,
Thinking and remembering the hard times.
I'd rather not live in fear ---- than live at all!!

SON OF LIGHT

I would not know if the sun would rise,
'Coz light does not reach me.
I know I'm aging and I cannot see
Everywhere I look seems dark!

I fumble in the darkness
With the hands as my eyes,
My sensitive fingers lead the way
Through this dark path.

I can feel the black clouds gathering
In the already dark sky.
The rains soak the sour ground
And I can feel the demons crying inside me.

I cried before my gods,
I wept for my sins,
But my prayers havn't been answered
Maybe I'm destined to live like this!

Like a candle someone blew out,
The glow is there but slowly fading,
My soul lies shattered like the ashes
The son of eternal night ---
Wants to become the Son of Light!!

FREEDOM IN DEATH

I always have a feeling
Eyes upon me, watching me in my perpetual sleep
Dreams deceive me
My future depends on a mindless dream!

Afraid to walk the streets
In the coldness all alone
Running from shadows
I'm releived by the blackness of the night.

The whole world's becoming too much for me
With all the evil deeds crossing my head
I wish I were dead,
Only Death can give me another life to Live!!

I do not trust the people around me,I
'm losing all interest in my present life
Remaining secluded in my cornerI always think
Death can free me from all bondages.

Beyond the line, there is a ray of Hope,
Beyond the line the Unicorn trods unchained,
No darkness and despair prevailing there
Beyond the line, there is a New Life!!

What should I do?
When I cannot take it anymore
Death's face keeps haunting me
And just keeps coming for more.

FALLACIOUS KILLING

I lay in a corner with my limbs tied together
Smeared all over with blood, but not of my own,
I can see countless bodies without a head
Felt that in time i'll also be one of them.

Calling this sacrifice for God
Will this petty offering do any good?
With the vision of death in my eyes
I cannot run, I cannot scream!

Paralysed at the thought of death
I recollect those golden days of childhood
When everybody used to love and kiss me,
But I didn't realise that it was all for this day.

People around me dance at the sight of blood
Fanatics are eager for more heads--- more sacrifice
When will this night of doom end
With thousands of carcasses lying unattended?

The time is running out so fast
And the night is exploding everywhere
When hatred pulls the trigger
And sacrificial blood makes a stream.

In the world of Angels
Death is just a moment away
No other thought comes into my mind
Feeling I won't see daylight again!

I can't run away, there's no place to hide
Today or tomorrow they will get me.
I can't move, the knife is right at my throat
And whatever I do, DEATH is the only way out!!



-------This was after we (me & amitav) returned from LB's village home at Moutorh during Kalipuja '07. Over the night, around 3000 goats and about 180 buffaloes were sacrificed. That was some sight to see. Pity I didn't have the camera with me. We returned on the roof of a bus which absolutely made the trip wholesome....

A SAILOR'S NIGHTMARE

Standing there for a long time
The only noise to my ears
Was the sweet everlasting chime
Heard in the offing ... coming from a mile.

Paralysing me from my dreams
I cannot see anything that gleams
In the distant horizon
Even the light wasn't enough from the moon!

I could not decipher whether it was a distant ship,
Or a drowning woman---
Trying to recollect....The last sights of her man,
But I was strangely attracted towards it.

As I was closing in,
With the air of the silent night
Growing thin and thin...
I could hear it very clearly---
Though it wasn't in my sight.

Now that I was so sure
That it was a girl
She was succumbed by the whirl
I was too late to save her!!

There she was floating lifeless,
The water drenched the kid's dress.
No lifeboats came to save her
In spite of her shrill cries.

So innocent she looked,
So cheerful were her eyes,
She could not swim
Still she was floating!!

I didn't know her name,
Nor from where she came,
But she haunted me in my dreams
With her violent overture and screams.

I could not forget her
Even thought she was a stranger in a strange place,
How can I forget her face
When I hear her every night whispering.... in my ears!!



----- Initially I named it A Sailor's Swansong... This was written in the Design of Machine Elements class (Sem 5). SM sir was teaching Rivetted Joints and there I sat my mind lost somewhere else. The time was late october '07... Maybe because this was the first class of the day and I was still dreaming....

AFTERLIFE

Why can't I cross the line

From mortality to immortality?

Why can't I become unearthly

From being so earthly?

Let my body be shunned,

So that my soul may roam free.

Let me be charred,

So that I can be with my loved one.

Breaking all bondages

And passing through the ages

I can see everythingBut no one can see me!

When the mind is without fear

And I'm ready for another jaunt

I may inure in another body

And take a sojourn to Mother Earth!

DEATH... NO MATTER WHAT...

You can't be protected - there's nothing you can save,

Each breath you take only draws you closer to the grave.

You never laugh,

You always cry.

You sit there lonely wanting to die.

You're spirits been crushed - you're nothing no more,

Your life doesn't seem worth living for.

You've been abused so much that you are pleasured by pain,

People stop and stare as if you're crazy or insane.

But don't I beg you - save you're last breath.

I won't forget you - Even In -Death.

No one but I - Acknowledges the day that you were born,

No one but I - will miss you when you're gone.

But still you've slipped from my hands into the shadows of a different kind,

But you'll never be forgotten - Never In My Mind...

PSYCHOTIC THOUGHT

I'm sitting in the dark

With all the lights passing by---

I don't know if I'm lonely or shy,

Only I could feel that am happy to be alone.

The late October rains start to pour down

I see kids enjoying the droplets

But why do I feel that the rain brings in pain?

With the sky getting dark as my heart.

When I'm in need of Someone,

And I can even bleed for Her,

I only know hatred

And love only the colour Red!!

Out in the distance i see people

Enjoying the warmth of the sun,

But I sit faraway.... in solitude

Waiting for the chill of the night.

Then why do people call me psychotic

Even though I look as them?

Why do they run away from me

When I TRY to play with them?

Why do people not find me amiable

And never call me to talk?

Why do they never look at me

When I try call them for a walk?

No oracle can answer my questions

No priest can elucidate me properly----

Maybe I'll live a life that no one else did

Living with myself and talking to me alone!!

------- This was started one evening when I was sitting all alone in Vivekananda Park and the cars were going past with their lights on. This was when everybody was out shopping for the pujas (Durgapuja '07) (Ponchomi)

SITTING IN THE DARK

There are times when I’m inconsolable

When the world around me becomes too much

And my demons come out to feast on me again.

There are times when I’m hopeless

When I’m too lost to return home

And I don’t need your comforting touch

I just need to be left alone to sit quietly in the dark.

Don’t offer me a friendly hand,

nor a tender embrace of love,

Just let me surround myself with shadows

And let my troubles eat me whole.

Don’t try to save me when I can’t be saved

And keep your tender words for another day,

A day when the tides of my heart have changed

and my soul flows the other way.

But until that time remember that I love you,

And that you’re still the keeper of my heart.

But for the moment love is not my friend,

and your tender touch and sweetest smile

are like poison to my aching soul.

So let me be...

Let me sit alone in the dark,

Let me find comfort in forgotten lusts.

Let me bandage my heart with solitude

And dry my tears with time.

I know that you understand

And I pray that you’ll return

Because I long for when I can emerge from these shadows

And once again cherish the smile glistening

Across your sweet, tender face.

PHANTOM LOVE

All my life I've been in the dark,
To me life's been just am arc,
Of no ups but only downs
With me wearing only black gowns.

All my life i've been looking for her
But still couldn't find the real partner,
Like a thorn she appeared,
But before I could look up, she disappeared!!

LONELINESS

I have learnt to live alone,

The intricasies of bondage

Have no meaning to me,

Now my only friend is the boundless sea.

The waves have washed away my sins,

They splash upon the shores

Inflicting pain to themselves

While providing enjoyment to others.

As I lay sleepless on the shores,

Leering at the sea beside me,

I don't feel alone----

Looking at the stars above me.

I don't know if I'm Homeless,

But I know I'm sleepless,

There's no dreams to soothe me

Or make me cheerful once again.

I don't know if I'm abandoned,

But am surrounded by them----

The boundless Sea on one side

And the limitless Stars above.

I don't know if I'm deserted,

But the lashing waves give me company,

They throng around me

And relieve me from sorrows... if any.

I don't know if I'm secluded,

But the shoes remind me of the days

When we walked and gaped

At the sunset by the sea!!

I don't know if I feel solitary,

But the sea-gulls look down upon me

Wishing if I'd feed them

But I'd rather feed myself, than feeding them.

Loneliness is my Life,

Solitude makes my Day,

At night I have the stars to talk to

But come morning, they also go away.

--- the photograph was taken in the sankarpur beach (aug '07). It needed a piece to xpress itself... so the poem was written sometime later!!